Matchmakers
by ShinAyasaki
Summary: Kanan tries to be a better childhood friend and Dia gets dragged along for the ride; Mari, of course, is more than willing to ride the Happy Party Train. (An alternate take on Season 1, Episode 11)


**AN: In canon, only Mari is surprised that You was Chika's first recruit. I thought both Mari and Kanan were surprised, so when I found out otherwise, that train of thought led to this.**

* * *

Kanan, Dia, and Mari stared at the stack of paperwork sitting atop Dia's office desk.

"You were trying to take on all of this by yourself, huh?" asked Kanan.

"That's not it!" protested Dia, looking away in embarrassment, "This is just..."

"Oh well," sighed Mari amicably. "I guess Kanan and I will have to help you out from now on!" She grabbed a small handful of papers to look through, accidentally knocking a form to the floor. "Eh? What's that?"

"The application for the School Idol Club. Chika-san brought it here earlier," explained Dia.

"Oh? It was just Chika-chi and You at first?" wondered Mari.

"It was?" asked Kanan, just as surprised. "I thought it was just Chika-chan and Riko-chan at the beginning!"

Dia shook her head. "No, it was always Chika-san and You-san right from the start."

"...what?" murmured Kanan in surprise. She furrowed her brow. That... didn't make sense. The brunette was already ridiculously busy with swimming and competitive high diving; she wouldn't just rush into a school idol group that didn't at least offer _some_ credibility or potential. No offense to Chika, but any school idol group worth the title needed a composer at the bare minimum, and Chika couldn't even play the triangle. So why was You so eager to sign up? It just didn't make any sense.

Unless...!

"Oh my god! You-chan is in love with Chika-chan!" realized Kanan.

" _Oh!_ You're right!" exclaimed Mari in agreement.

Dia raised an eyebrow as she looked to her friends. "...Yes? I thought that was obvious?"

"Obvious?! Then why didn't you do anything about it?!" demanded Kanan.

"I saw no reason to," explained the ravenette, "Chika-san and You-san are their own persons. It would be inappropriate to involve myself in their love lives."

"This coming from the girl who's threatened off at least a dozen people from confessing to our dear adorable Ruby-chan?" asked Mari mischievously.

"Yeah really," added Kanan, "At this point her only candidate for marriage is Hanamaru-chan."

"I don't know about that," mused Mari. "I think Yoshiko-chan might have a chance."

"We are NOT talking about this!" snapped Dia. "My sister is a pure and innocent maiden and shall remain so forever and always!"

Kanan and Mari shared an amused glance, knowing they would have to talk to Dia about letting her sister make her own choices. But for now, there were more important things to attend to.

"I suppose you're right," replied Mari. "After all, why bother with the first years' love lives when the second years' love lives are so much more interesting?"

"Please show some common courtesy and refrain from interfering in their personal affairs," deadpanned Dia.

Mari giggled. "I don't think it's me you need to worry about, Dia," she replied. "For once."

The student council president glanced over at her other friend, the blunette's eyes filled with determination. "I've decided," declared Kanan, "I'm going to set them up!"

"Let's do it!" cried Mari.

"Okay!" enthused Kanan. "I'll speak to Chika-chan and talk to her about how great You-chan is. Mari, you talk to You-chan and tell her to be more open with her feelings. Dia, you meet with Riko-chan and keep her out of the picture! Okay?"

"Wait one minute!" interrupted Dia. "Why should I get involved with this nonsense? And what about the paperwork?!" she demanded, gesturing to the various papers still crowding her desk.

Mari gave the pile a quick inspection before coming to a conclusion. "All of this paperwork is internal affairs. As chairwoman, I officially extend the deadline to sometime before next semester," she dismissed whimsically. "Besides, don't you think the three of us could have used some outside interference to fix our relationship?"

Dia looked her in the eye. "When you came back after two years the first thing you did was grope me. Then I pinned you to a wall. The day after that you pinned me to your desk. Shortly after, you slapped Kanan-san, then we dragged her up to your office and shared intimacies on your desk yet again. I think we did fine."

"...If you don't help then it's no sex for a month," threatened Mari.

The ravenette scoffed. "Mari-san, do you really believe you can abstain for a full month?"

Mari frowned. Dia was right. "...No _shower_ sex for a full month," amended the blonde.

Dia gasped and recoiled in horror. "You fiend!"

And thus, Dia was roped into helping.

* * *

Mari scurried to and fro as she followed her target, the blonde humming the theme song to Mission Impossible as she dexterously rolled behind a trash can. It'd been simple to find the brunette as she walked home, You's mind elsewhere as she ruminated over recent events concerning her and Chika. Even from a distance, Mari could make out the uncertainty churning within her, a forewarning of things to come should this rift not be mended. It was a feeling Mari was all too familiar with.

It was a feeling Mari resolved to help You overcome. The blonde refused to let this friendship dissolve like hers did on that fateful day two years ago.

Taking a look around, Mari realized that they were alone, not a soul in sight as the two of them journeyed down the road. It was the perfect atmosphere for a heartfelt talk about feelings.

The only thing left to consider was how to break the ice.

With a topic as serious and meaningful as this, Mari decided to grope her. It was a tactic that worked out often enough.

Still concealed behind the trash can, Mari took out a small tube of lotion and made sure to moisturize. If there was anything she'd learned from Dia's complaints about being groped, it was that no one wanted to be felt up by dry hands.

Putting away her lotion, Mari wiggled her fingers experimentally. It was time for a heart to heart. Or perhaps in this case, a hand to heart.

Without another thought, Mari pounced.

* * *

(One canon discussion between Mari and You later...)

* * *

Dia found Riko waiting for her in the lobby of her Tokyo hotel, just as she'd requested. The ravenette had hoped to not have to travel all the way to Tokyo for something this ridiculous, but Mari had offered Dia the use of her personal pink helicopter and Dia couldn't say no. After all, it was a rare occasion that Dia got to practice her piloting skills.

She walked over to the redhead, the pianist standing casually near the edge of the room, the pair already having acknowledged each other through quick waves.

"Dia-san," greeted Riko, "It's nice to see you."

"Riko-san," said Dia. "I would like to have a word with you."

The redhead swallowed nervously. "Um... okay?"

Dia cleared her throat, opening her mouth with the intention of lecturing the girl with a prepared and planned speech about how she shouldn't get into a relationship with their leader. She meant to spell out exactly which of their character traits would clash, how their personalities didn't complement each other, how she couldn't possibly hope to find happiness with Chika in any sort of short or long term time frame.

She was ready to blather on and on for what had to amount to dozens of pages of purple prose explaining just how and why ChikaRiko was a NoTP.

But in that moment, Dia found that she just. Didn't. Care.

Why should she? She didn't want to do this in the first place, and it's not like Kanan or Mari were around to keep tabs on her. Of course, her pride demanded she fulfill her obligation to assist her girlfriends, but for once, her pride also demanded that she just get this shit over with.

So instead of giving a speech, she did the next best thing. Dia's arm shot out and loudly pinned Riko against the wall, eliciting a yelp from the redhead as emerald eyes pierced deeply into golden irises.

Glaring intensely at her prey, the student council president only had one command. "Stay away from Chika-san."

And without another word, Dia turned on her heel and departed, her mission complete.

* * *

"Kanan-chan! Hey!"

Kanan turned to see Chika bounding up to her from across the dock, arm up to return the ginger girl's wave of greeting. She called back a greeting of her own and waited for her friend to close the distance.

"Hey! You said you wanted to talk to me?"

The blunette nodded, eager to get this show on the road. "Yeah, I did. Thanks for coming so quickly, by the way."

"It's fine. I was in the area anyway. So what's up?"

"I wanted to ask what you thought of You-chan."

"You-chan? Well... she's my best friend. We've been together forever."

"You-chan's pretty great, isn't she?" pondered Kanan aloud.

Chika nodded. "I know," she replied, "It's amazing how she's able to juggle swimming, high diving, costuming, and being a school idol all at once."

"And hey, don't you think she's become really pretty?" prompted the blunette.

Chika let out a thoughtful hum before going silent for a while, and Kanan felt hope bloom in her. If Chika was being quiet, that meant that she was reflecting. And if she was reflecting, then maybe, just maybe...! Maybe her two honorary little sisters could find happiness together. A fond smile made its way to the blunette's face at the mere thought.

"I think I get it now. Why you asked me to meet me here," said Chika.

"Do you now?" asked Kanan. Inside, she could feel her heart fluttering in anticipation. There was no way this could go wrong!

The ginger turned and looked her childhood friend right in the eye. "You're in love with You-chan," she concluded.

Kanan's face fell into a stupefied frown. ' _What?! Just... what?!_ '

A sly smile made its way to Chika's face, and she giggled, proud to have uncovered the blunette's secret. "And I guess you want to know what I think about the two of you going out?"

"Wha-! That... that..." stuttered Kanan, too flabbergasted to function.

"Don't worry, Kanan-chan," assured Chika with a thumbs up. "You get the Chikacchi seal of approval for dating You-chan! Make sure you make her happy, okay?"

"B-But that's-!"

"Oh! I should go congratulate You-chan!" said the ginger suddenly as she shifted gears. "Maybe that's why we've been off sync while dancing. Because she's been worried about what I'll think about her being in a relationship." She shrugged. "Oh well. I'm gonna give her my blessing too! Bye Kanan-chan!" Without further adieu, Chika ran off to grab her bicycle.

Kanan could only watch helplessly as Chika disappeared from view, the blunette's mind too caught up on this disastrous misunderstanding to stop her.

Eventually, Chika was gone, and Kanan was left with nothing more than the breaking of waves and the salty spray of the sea.

The sound of her phone's ringtone broke the song of the ocean, and Kanan wordlessly answered.

" _I just had my talk with You-chan. How did yours go?_ " asked Mari.

Kanan answered with the most eloquence she could muster. "...I fucked up."

 **~END~**

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 **AN: Yes, Dia can pilot helicopters. I imagine Mari would give her one for her birthday, which Dia would lovingly customize in various shades of red and ice-blue, christening it the 'Eli-Copter'.**


End file.
